The Scary Side To Reuniting
As most of you reading this know I found out a lot about my birth family in recent times, and the next thing on my list of wishes is to finally travel to Russia and meet them in person. I wish it was as easy as jumping on a plan and just meeting them, but there is so much that has to be sorted before hand, interpreters, places to stay and so on. Its not as simple as it seems. It is not going to happen overnight it will take months of organising and saving but hopefully in the end it will be all worth it.
I have never in my life wanted anything as much but there is also a part of me that is terrified that things wont work out. I joined so many adoptee groups on Facebook and honestly they are the best thing ever, but they have also shown me the bad side of things, I have seen other adoptees post that birth parents not wanting anything to do with them, and the worst is those that have planned to meet their birth parents multiple times only to have them not show up.. this is so so upsetting and scary to me because it could easily happen to me and if i'm honest i don't know how I would cope if it did. All I want is to be able to sit and talk and ask my mother the questions wracking my brain for years on end.
One woman posted in the group this week saying she has planned to meet her birth parents multiple times, the post is screenshot below and the amount of comments under the post from others saying it has happened to them too in one way or another. I am honestly freaking out because I don't want this to happen to me, or any other adoptee. I have been looking forward to the day I meet them for years, and although we have nothing planned it has been mentioned by my sister that she would like to meet me and vice versa multiple times.
I mean I guess I just want a happily ever after? God that sounds so so stupid I know , but if I could have one wish, it would be that we could have a happily ever after, and no, before people think 'shes going to forget all about her adoptive family' I would never, but I do need to get more answers and finish my soul searching and finally meeting and getting a closer relationship with my birth family. its my right, these people are my blood family.
I know some adoptees would disagree and its completely their own choice but for me it needs to happen because I feel like I am only half the person I could and should be if I was to be close to my birth family. I want to meet my mother, sister, and all of my extended family that are willing to meet me.
I'm excited and nervous about this whole thing but my heart is saying do it, even though my head is saying be careful, don't get too excited be weary. I'm going to try get the ball rolling in the next year or two. Fingers crossed and butterflies in my stomach for this part of my past and future to be explored.
Thanks for reading,
as always, LifeOfShhivy x
I have never in my life wanted anything as much but there is also a part of me that is terrified that things wont work out. I joined so many adoptee groups on Facebook and honestly they are the best thing ever, but they have also shown me the bad side of things, I have seen other adoptees post that birth parents not wanting anything to do with them, and the worst is those that have planned to meet their birth parents multiple times only to have them not show up.. this is so so upsetting and scary to me because it could easily happen to me and if i'm honest i don't know how I would cope if it did. All I want is to be able to sit and talk and ask my mother the questions wracking my brain for years on end.
One woman posted in the group this week saying she has planned to meet her birth parents multiple times, the post is screenshot below and the amount of comments under the post from others saying it has happened to them too in one way or another. I am honestly freaking out because I don't want this to happen to me, or any other adoptee. I have been looking forward to the day I meet them for years, and although we have nothing planned it has been mentioned by my sister that she would like to meet me and vice versa multiple times.
I mean I guess I just want a happily ever after? God that sounds so so stupid I know , but if I could have one wish, it would be that we could have a happily ever after, and no, before people think 'shes going to forget all about her adoptive family' I would never, but I do need to get more answers and finish my soul searching and finally meeting and getting a closer relationship with my birth family. its my right, these people are my blood family.
I know some adoptees would disagree and its completely their own choice but for me it needs to happen because I feel like I am only half the person I could and should be if I was to be close to my birth family. I want to meet my mother, sister, and all of my extended family that are willing to meet me.
I'm excited and nervous about this whole thing but my heart is saying do it, even though my head is saying be careful, don't get too excited be weary. I'm going to try get the ball rolling in the next year or two. Fingers crossed and butterflies in my stomach for this part of my past and future to be explored.
Thanks for reading,
as always, LifeOfShhivy x
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