Myths, Facts And Mental Health Connected To Adoption

There are more than one million children in Russian orphanages and of those over 700 thousand are available for adopotion

1) MYTH: Adopted children are not as well adjusted as those who live with both biological parents.
FACT: Adopted children grow up to be just as balanced and socially adept as an average cross section of their peers who grew up with one or both biological parents [Borders, et al, 2000] [1].  Also, adopted people have more positive views of family and marriage stability than those from alternative families such as those with divorced parents or a single parent. They are more likely to desire to get married and have children of their own when they settle down than those from alternative families
One four-year study by the Search Institute in Minnesota found that adopted teenagers had greater empathy, higher self-esteem and more close friends than non-adopted teenagers in public schools, and were also less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as stealing and excessive  drinking. In all, they scored higher than the control group on 16 indicators of well-being.

They were as strongly attached to their parents as their non-adopted siblings. Indeed, contrary to Hollywood movies portraying adopted kids mystically driven to find their biological parents, the majority of adopted teenagers rarely thought about the fact that they were adopted.

 
2) MYTH: The relationship between parents and an adopted child cannot be as strong as that of a biological parent-child relationship.

FACT: Although adoptive relationships may take more effort than relationships in biological families, it is very possible for adoptive parent-child relationships to be just as close as the average biological parent-child relationship. Studies have shown that parent-child relationships are not dependent on biological ties
3) MYTH: Adoptive parents are less involved in their children’s lives than the average biological family.

FACT: Actually, adoptive parents tend to be more involved in their children’s lives than the average biological family. They are significantly more involved in parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in school functions. Also, adoptive families are more likely to eat meals together, be involved in extracurricular activities, and read more books together

4) MYTH: If I place my child for adoption, I have no idea what kind of family they will end up in or if they will be raised in foster care.

FACT: In open and semi-open adoptions, most adoption agencies allow the birthmother to personally select the family her child is placed in as well as the kind of people they are.  Even if you choose a closed adoption, you can still choose an adoption agency that guarantees that your child will be adopted immediately. Screening processes for the families are extensive, especially if you choose an agency with a well designed screening process. You can also give the agency information on the type of family you would like chosen, including factors like religion, age, number of other children, race, and whether the mother stays at home.

5) MYTH: Adoption is just another form of abandonment.

FACT: By making a plan for adoption, you are recognizing that you may not be able to give your child everything she needs to grow up healthy and with every opportunity at a stable life. Choosing adoption requires a selflessness that puts your child’s well being above your own feelings or desires. There is a big difference between caring enough to find a good home for your child and abandoning your child out of fear.  Adoption is a selfless act of love.

6) MYTH: After the adoption is finalized, the birth mother is abandoned with no support to overcome the loss.

FACT: The majority of agencies offer post-adoption counseling to help the birthmother cope with the loss of her child. There are also pregnancy resouce centers that offer counseling and support for those who have placed thier child for adoption.  The months following the adoption of your child can be an emotional roller coaster, but you don’t have to go through the experience alone.

These are just some basic myths and beliefs around adoption that we regularly are faced with.
 So many people have misconceptions about how adoption works.
There are different groups of adoption which branch into sub groups.

The 3 Types Of Adoption Are:

Types of Adoptions
* Confidential Adoptions: No contact between birth and adoptive families. Only nonidentifying information (e.g., height, hair color, medical history, etc.) is provided through a third party (e.g., agency or attorney).
* Mediated (Semi-Open) Adoptions:Nonidentifying contact is made (via cards, letters, pictures) through a third party (e.g., agency or attorney).
* Open Adoptions: Direct interaction between birth and adoptive families. Identities are known.

These 3 different types mould the Biological parent(s), adoptee(s) and Adoptive Parent(s) views and thoughts around the adoption and especially the adoptees view on why it happened and all the questions that come with being adopted.

Peoples view of open adoption are often that it's easier and better than closer of semi. This isn't always true, many adoptees who have open adoptions can suffer from confusion and even more heartbreak as they think that if their birth parent can keep contact why didn't  they just keep them all together.
It's an endless maze of guesses, question and some answers for some and not all.
Many birth parents don't tell the child why they were adopted as it may be too traumatic or confusing to the adoptee.

In my opinion, open adoptions can be amazing, and can also be terrible. The contact may cause anger and resentment along with trouble due to conflict over contact.
I wish my adoption was open, I wish my parents had wanted to keep up to date and in contact but sometimes we get what's better for us rather than what we want.

So many people have asked me do I want to look for my parents and the answer is Yes of course
If I ever found my mother and/or father,I would be over the moon and would try for contact, langue would be a barrier but we could over come it. Any bit of contact is better than none, especially after being in the dark nearly 19 years.
I would love to know about my parents wether good or bad news. I would always want to know. I personally, have no resentment against them for doing what they did. Yes some nights when I'm alone in my room I sit and think to myself "why me, what did I do?" Or "what was so bad in their life they couldn't keep me with them''
It is truly heartbreaking to want something and be unable to get it.  For my closed adoption I only got my Mothers name, age and what she said she was doing. I got no medical history or anything. The bare minimum. It's hurtful to be dead honest. It makes me think she just wanted rid of me, from what I can figure out from my birth cert is that she kept me for 1 week exactly. 7 days with a new born is bound to drive anyone crazy. I just wonder is that why she gave me up? Was she not able to cope? Did I cry to much? What did i do?
I will forever blame myself for her putting me up for adoption and I know it's stupid it's just how I see it. If I wasn't such a cry baby, or whatever would she have kept me??!
So many things could have made her put me up for adoption.

Do people understand how important adoption is? Do they realise it's not as easy as 1-2-3? It's years of processing and court and background checking ect. It's a very thorough process.

I'm grateful for my adoption, I really am but it's hard to be grateful when your mind is set on you being the problem.
I will always be the one at fault.
Nothing anyone can say will change my mind. I've never said it to anyone, family or friend no one knows I feel this way.

None realises how much the adoption effects your mental health.
The constant questioning of your identity  really lowers your self worth.
This may causew some mental health issues, such  as depression ,anxiety ect.
I have read endless accounts of adoptees having eating disorders due to their lack of self worth.
They feel as if they were an imperfect child so they try any way to fix that.

Adoptive parents say they want you to talk to them about how you feel about your adoption but that's not always the way.
Many adoptees don't want to say anything in case they hurt the adoptive parents feelings. They don't want to make them feel like they're in the wrong .

The adoptive parents need to realise that if your child says their thoughts about adoption is getting in the way of their study then you should being to start the search or whatever they are looking for. Don't say 'we'll do it soon' or 'I need to look for them' or 'after your JC/LC or whatever else'

Your child's need should come before anything else. You adopted this child you should put your all in to make them feel like they are loved and wanted . To make them feel like they can safely say they know who they are, came from ect.