THE BEGINNING OF FOREVER PT 1

                                                           FROM THE BEGINNING OF FOREVER

For as long as i can remember I have wanted answers as to why I was put up for adoption, did I have siblings and if so do I look like them, where are they now, do they think of me and so on.  In transition year I searched for ways to find out this information I could go through the adoption agency my adoptive parents used but i felt it may take a long time. I found a company that you can pay to search for your birth families. Unfortunately it wasn’t the right time to do it and different factors were in the way, so we left it. Although it was left for another while it was never far from my mind, I would often dream of reuniting with my family, or see people on the street and wonder if they are them, silly I know what are the chances of that happening but it was a way to keep my hopes high. I had good days and bad days but I tried my best to stay positive. 

We sent an email with my documents that they needed and asked was it possible for them to take my search and we waited ever so impatient for a reply. Finally on the 7th of December 2016 we were emailed to say they had reviewed my documents and were able to take my search.

 

I had honestly no words for how I felt, the excitement, fear and hope that ran through my body when I read those words was just insane. My parents wanted to check were they legitimate which was fair so I waited for there approval and on the 10th of December 2016 i was granted the best approval of my life. For those of you wondering why I needed their approval, they paid for the search and I wanted them to be happy about who and how it was being done too. They are so supportive of me and my decision to search and I am so greatly because I know some adoptees may not get the chance I get and that’s heartbreaking. Not knowing about a part of you is just like living a half life. You always question what you do and how you do it. Always wondering what life would be like.

It took a long time, picking photos we wanted to send, writing a letter telling my biological family about myself and my adoptive family, making a question list and deciding if you want some of the extras they offer. I wanted everything I could get but everything had a price so I chose a few things and hoped it was possible to get them. Due to the large sum of money it cost we paid in instalments making the waiting time a lot longer but i would have waited as long as it took to finally have some answers. 

Jesus the fear and anxiousness that racked my body during this time was insane. There were days I was elated all this was happening and I might get answers and there were weeks where I would sit and think myself into a horrible place thinking about all the what ifs. I felt as tho I was floating through life, my emotions were everywhere , I found it so hard to consentrate everything was just a blur. Eventually the day came. They emailed when the search was complete telling us the bare minimal of what and who they had found as you had to pay fully before any major information was given to you that they had found. This cause so many emotions. I was just shocked. My heart nearly broke through my ribs. 

On this day I found out the best news of my life, I HAVE A BIG SISTER!!!

My heart was beating a mile a minute when I read the email. I could not believe the words right in front of me. I can’t even explain how it felt. I was so overcome with pure and utter elation hat I cried my eyes out for hours. I had just read the best words of my life. My dreams have come true, I have a big sister. A big sister, no matter how many times i said it I could not comprehend it. I had spent so many years wishing I had a big sister, someone to bitch to, steal clothes from and most of all a blood sibling. Genuinely cannot explain the feeling of euphoria that swept through my body when I read the words. I’m still shocked about it now.

MY BIG SISTER’S name is Polina, she is 26 and the most beautiful person in the world to me. Even writing this and thinking about it is causing me to tear up. The happiness this news brought it’s just the best feeling in the world. After all these years I just couldn’t believe it. I feel like my whole view of life has changed.

I was slightly upset over the fact they did not meet my mother personally but my sister had information so I had hope. I had so much hope now that I had some good news.

Due to the instalment method of paying I waited and waited for so long for full report and photos, but i would have waited as long as it took to finally have the rest of my answers. I patiently, okay not so patiently waited months and months for ma and da to pay the amount, and finally after 19 long long years I got the rest of my answers!!

The full report told me many things both good and bad which was what I was expecting, I kept my hopes low enough so I knew it wouldn't break my heart when i found out. 

Finally after 19 year of over thinking, stressing and worrying myself sick, I found out why i was put up for adoption...

Part 2 coming soon!!

Thanks for reading! Feedback is appreciated as always

-LifeOfShivy x